Am I My Job?

What a week this has been. I do not want to go into all of the details but working 5 days of 10 or more hours has caught up with me. I sit here on Friday night and cannot even recall all of the details that have brought me to this tired place. 

The week washes over me and I realize that only the strength of God has gotten me through it. One of the fun things of the week was doing a presentation to the middle school and upper elementary staffs. The topic chosen for me involved sharing modification strategies with them. I need to say that the principals asked me to do it the night before. I knew that the only way to present the ideas was to use the ideas in my presentation. I spent time that evening putting together graphic organizers, setting up a vocab notebook, and making sure that I had useable handouts for everyone. 

My body sweated. My mouth dried up. My knees shook. These people interact with me positively every day. Yet here I stood nervous as all get out to talk to them. I am not sure why that is. Perhaps I feel that they will be rating me and will find me wanting. I felt a little like Jesus when he returned to Nazareth to share his mission.  Unlike Jesus, I ended up having a good reception. I think that I got a bigger perk from the acceptance of my known peers than the ones I got from strangers when I presented at conferences. 

Being accepted by people we care about is so meaningful.  I do not think that I find my identity in my job. My job does not define me.  I really feel that my relationships with others does define me. Perhaps you do not agree with me. All I know is that I spent a lot of time putting together my 25 minutes for my staff because I care about them. I wanted to make sure that the time I spent with them would be a positive and beneficial one. If they accepted and felt positive about what I had to say then my ideas and thoughts trickle down to the students.  I want to feel that I make a difference in my little pond. I do not care if it is me directly or me as a catalyst. 

I do know that the smiles and thanks I received after my little session meant alot to me and I know that some of the ideas will in someway benefit the kiddos. I cannot ask for more than that. I also know that if I had to I would gladly relive this week with all of its ups and downs - I feel that I did something this week that mattered. 

Thinking About Water

I teach students who are somewhat challenged in the area of learning. Some call them high needs kids. Most days I have the patience to teach a concept one more time. And then the next day teach it again one more time. Let's just say that I am a lot better at math than I ever thought I would be. 

One of the areas that challenge most of my students is common sense.  I have to admit that today the patience wore a little thin. One of my 4th graders brought me to the point of speechlessness.  I looked at him, opened my mouth to say something and just closed my mouth again because I just did not know what to say. 

There is a bathroom in my classroom. Many years ago it was a first grade room so - a bathroom. It is a mini low to the ground bathroom but functional. One of my kids had to use the bathroom so I said sure go ahead. After he had been back in his seat for a bit I went into the bathroom to wash my hands. When I went into the bathroom the water was running in the sink. It was not dripping - it was running. I turned it off and then went out into the classroom to speak with the student. I reminded him that after washing his hands he needed to turn the water off. He got a blank look on his face. He said to me that the water had been running when he went into the bathroom so he left it on. As I said before - I was speechless. 

How do you teach common sense? I am teaching math which is important but it is not enough. How do I get these kids ready to face life? They are the leaders of tomorrow and facing an age of technology and advancements that have not been dreamed of yet.  They need to be thinkers in order to be viable Christians in their world. They will have to know how to think. This is my challenge.   I must show them that they can be thinkers and know to turn the water off when they see it running.  

Advice

We have a new teacher in our first grade classroom. Her year is starting out rough. She has a student with anger management problems and another who is probably going to be diagnosed with emotional difficulties. At lunch today she seemed at the end of her rope. The one little boy's mom came in and told the teacher flat out to not call her at work any more when there is difficulty with her child. In effect the message was he is your problem. The teacher came to the lounge feeling defeated and unsure. 

She is a good teacher. Her idea are good. Her heart definitely is with her kids. We veterans listened and asked some questions but really did not have anything to tell her. I heard comments like - "Hang in there."  " Have a conference with the mom , principal, counselor and you" " Remove the child away from the other students" etc. etc. 

These are all good suggestions. As I sat listening to the conversation I thought about myself as teacher. I realize more and more that I do not have all the answers. I think that 10 years ago I did but not any longer. Each child and situation and family are so different that there is no one answer. I realize that I am more realistic and less resilient. I do not bounce back as quickly with new ideas and optimistic outlook. I simply cannot force kids to learn. These wonderful children of the heavenly father have free will and make choices and I do not control that. I work hard, do my best, make lessons interesting but I cannot guarantee success or good behavior. I cannot take all the blame for kids not learning and cannot take all the credit when they do. The journey to this realization has been a long, windy pot holey one. I wake up each day knowing that it is a new day full of possibilities and to not hold grudges left from the day before. If I can teach my students this I feel that then I am successful. I like to think that the word for each new day is GRACE. I feel that that is all the advice that I have to share with a new teacher. 

Squashed?

I went out this morning into the back yard and smiled at the cool fresh air and warm sun on my face. I turned the corner of the deck and my smile disappeared. A huge sigh blew out of the depths of me. Life really is not fair. 

We have moved into fall around here. Not so much during the day but for sure at night. The temperature dropped to around 38 degrees last night. That temperature is marvelous for sleeping. I love snuggling under my down comforter with the cool air blowing over me from the open windows. Not all like the cool nights of September. My zucchini did not. 

I container gardened this year. I have some flowers in beds but all of my veggies and herbs are in big pots around the patio.  I rigged up an old hose to my water barrels this summer so watering them with "good" water is now much easier. I simply turn on the spigot and gravity does the rest. Much easier than lugging watering cans all around. The pots have done great this summer, even with the neighbor boy tending them while I was in Chicago during July. 

This morning told me that yes the growing season is winding down. My zucchini and my glorious basil looked pathetic.  I did not even think to cover my babies last night. I have not been paying attention to the weather reports. The edges of my squash and all my basil were crinkled and limp from the cold. The ends of the actual squash look sad as well. A little limp so to speak. Do they make viagra for squash? I went ahead and watered and by the end of the afternoon they were looking a bit better. Battle weary but a bit better. I hope to still get a few squash and I have given up my plan of making homemade pesto. Fortunately the tomatoes and peppers stayed warm right up next to the house. 

Needless to say my babies will be covered tonight. Perhaps it will be a too little too late but - but I do not want all of my dreams of fresh produce totally squashed. Gardening in New Mexico- a constant battle with the earth.   Thanks a lot Adam. 

Goodbye friend

When I was young our house was full of kids and cats. I had one special cat named Binky. I loved Binky. In fact - Binky went everywhere with me. When I say everywhere I mean everywhere. This cat allowed me to dress it in doll clothes. After the cat was "dressed" I plopped him into my baby buggy and proceeded to roll him with me everywhere. If the cat was not in the buggy then Binky was in my arms or wrapped around my shoulders hitching a ride while purring in my ear. The familiar and oft heard question was " Does that cat know how to walk?"  I loved that cat. 

Since I became an adult I continued to make animals part of my life.  There have been some very special ones Pest the cat who hid in the fridge and laundry hamper, Snoops who managed to check everything out in her short life. Dogs became a part of my life as well as cats. The first dog I ever had was Flynn. He was half Irish wolfhound and half something else. We liked to say that he was the result of a hit and run. Flynn was legendary among our friends for eating cheesecake from the counter, peeing on the tent  etc. I could go on and on. There was Charlie, Oliver and Sasha. Now there is Dutch and Cocoa and until recently Brandie. 

Brandie was a cream pure bred Irish wolfhound. She was small for a wolfhound female but still managed to awe people with her size. She was a laid back take life as it comes type of dog. That is until she got a sniff of food and then that dog could move faster than a speeding bullet to snatch what she wanted. As the years passed she became stiff and found it harder to make her back end rise and fall at will. Finally the day came that she could not get out the dog door in time. She simply lay in the house not leaving the window room to go anywhere else in the house. I knew that the time had come to say goodbye. With many tears and gentle petting she fell asleep to not ever reawaken on this earth. I like to think of her galumphing across the fields of the Lord smelling the flowers, enjoying the sunshine and living a true dog's life. Brandie your death has left a hole in our family and our hearts. To loosely quote EB White - you were some dog. 

No one Like a Sister

I live with my sister. Many people find it surprising that I not only live with my sister but that we have lived together for over 20 years and continue rub along very well together.  I cherish our relationship. In fact, in many ways, ours is a marriage like relationship.  I love the way we balance each other. I am a feeler and enjoy staying in touch with friends and family. She loves the fact that she stays in touch with others through me. Sending out her 5 Christmas cards each year is a task well accomplished when it is complete. On the other hand, she looks at situations with a more logical mind and helps me step back and look without my emotions fogging my vision. 

 We love to read. We love to work in the kitchen baking and cooking. My sister likes to organize and reorganize and have things that match. I like take care of business, get naggy little things out of the way and check them off of my list. Do not ask us to hang pictures together - she needs to measure I like to eyeball the space. We take road trips together, watch movies together, and in general enjoy each others company. The most wonderful aspect of our sisterhood and friendship is that I am beautiful to her and she is beautiful to me.  In short - there really is no one like a sister. 

Falling In

There are so many things that remind me that summer is ending and fall beginning. The crisp cool nights which make me pull my comforter up to my chin. The tangy smell of roasting green chilis in the air at all the area grocery stores. Football begins at the local high schools, colleges, and professionally. The monsoons are tapering off but still manage to surprise with sudden rain bursts on an otherwise very sunny day. 

School has begun. All of a sudden my life goes from projects at home to grading math papers, writing lesson plans, attending meetings and building relationship with my students. I enjoy my job and the kids. I must admit that I am not always so fond of all the extraneous things that my job involves. I am blessed to be working with a fantastic staff and have the support of a couple very extraordinary principals. An aspect I love is how the sameness of each day is different. I love looking for the special moment in each day. I challenge you to try it. The moment may be the sighting of a special bird, a student finally understanding the difference between ones, tens and hundreds, or a good story told in the staff lounge. If you look hard enough they are there. Please look for yourself. 

Wise Muse

      "Earth's crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God,

         But only he who sees takes off his shoes;

The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries. "

                                         - Elizabeth Barrett Browning-