Am I My Job?

What a week this has been. I do not want to go into all of the details but working 5 days of 10 or more hours has caught up with me. I sit here on Friday night and cannot even recall all of the details that have brought me to this tired place. 

The week washes over me and I realize that only the strength of God has gotten me through it. One of the fun things of the week was doing a presentation to the middle school and upper elementary staffs. The topic chosen for me involved sharing modification strategies with them. I need to say that the principals asked me to do it the night before. I knew that the only way to present the ideas was to use the ideas in my presentation. I spent time that evening putting together graphic organizers, setting up a vocab notebook, and making sure that I had useable handouts for everyone. 

My body sweated. My mouth dried up. My knees shook. These people interact with me positively every day. Yet here I stood nervous as all get out to talk to them. I am not sure why that is. Perhaps I feel that they will be rating me and will find me wanting. I felt a little like Jesus when he returned to Nazareth to share his mission.  Unlike Jesus, I ended up having a good reception. I think that I got a bigger perk from the acceptance of my known peers than the ones I got from strangers when I presented at conferences. 

Being accepted by people we care about is so meaningful.  I do not think that I find my identity in my job. My job does not define me.  I really feel that my relationships with others does define me. Perhaps you do not agree with me. All I know is that I spent a lot of time putting together my 25 minutes for my staff because I care about them. I wanted to make sure that the time I spent with them would be a positive and beneficial one. If they accepted and felt positive about what I had to say then my ideas and thoughts trickle down to the students.  I want to feel that I make a difference in my little pond. I do not care if it is me directly or me as a catalyst. 

I do know that the smiles and thanks I received after my little session meant alot to me and I know that some of the ideas will in someway benefit the kiddos. I cannot ask for more than that. I also know that if I had to I would gladly relive this week with all of its ups and downs - I feel that I did something this week that mattered.